I had my booking appointment this morning, I had it in my head that it was at 11am, I deceided to check my letter at 9.45am and realised that it was actually at 10am!!! I am amazed I managed to get there just a couple of minutes late, I hadn't even done my hair!!
My midwife was lovely, I'll be seeing her throughout the pregnancy as she's based at my GP's surgery. The appointment was mostly asking questions about my history and family history, then blood pressure, height, weight, blood samples and urine samples (I was supposed to take my urine sample along, but in my haste to leave I couldn't find a suitable container!) It was a straight forward appointment and the hour flew by! As yet I have not put on any weight even though my belly is growing be the day! It'll be all the morning sickness, I really thought it was beginning to ease off, however my theory was proved wrong last night just before bed when I emptied my dinner down the toilet!
I managed to get the rest of my small veg patch planted up today, an my darling hubby cut the grass when he came home this evening - the garden is looking tidyish at the moment, once we get the fence put up we'll be able to get the garden sorted properly, and I'll be able to let the dogs out without worrying.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring...
Friday, 4 June 2010
Thursday, 3 June 2010
Beautiful Day
It's been a lovely day here today, but it's now coming to the end of my holidays and I have to go back to work on Monday, I could do with a permanent holiday (well at this time of year anyway)!! Now that I'm in my 2nd trimester my energy is picking up a bit and I got out into the garden and managed to plant up my tomatoes and transplant my strawberries.
Fred (our latestest addition) was causing havoc though, he currently can't get off his lead in the garden because he can squeeze through our current fence so I had him tied up on his long lead - what a laugh!! He got through the fence he was over at the rabbits and he managed to tie himself up! But he had great fun!
My hubby is currently helping his dad clip the sheep, so I have full access to the remote control, and am watching Britain's Got Talent - not too many impressive acts tonight, though I do love Twist and Pulse, have to wait and see who goes through...
Tomorrow is my booking appointment at the hospital with the midwife, the appointment takes around 1 hour and will involve detailing my history/family history, blood tests etc that reminds me, I have to take a urine sample - now what am I going to put it in....
Fred (our latestest addition) was causing havoc though, he currently can't get off his lead in the garden because he can squeeze through our current fence so I had him tied up on his long lead - what a laugh!! He got through the fence he was over at the rabbits and he managed to tie himself up! But he had great fun!
My hubby is currently helping his dad clip the sheep, so I have full access to the remote control, and am watching Britain's Got Talent - not too many impressive acts tonight, though I do love Twist and Pulse, have to wait and see who goes through...
Tomorrow is my booking appointment at the hospital with the midwife, the appointment takes around 1 hour and will involve detailing my history/family history, blood tests etc that reminds me, I have to take a urine sample - now what am I going to put it in....
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
The Booking Scan
Well today was emotional, having been through so many scans in the past only to be disappointed, I was a little nervous about todays scan - although I have already had 3 good scans during the earlier stages of this pregnancy it did not ease my worries too much.
Thankfully the first thing the midwife said as she was scanning - before I even looked at the screen - 'there's a nice strong heartbeat', that was the most wonderful feeling and really put me at ease, and allowed me to enjoy the rest of the scan - it was amazing!
She had a good look at the baby as a whole before measuring the length - I am measuring 13+1 weeks, then she showed us the hands and all the fingers, it was amazing how much detail we could see, the bones were even visible. Then she moved on to the legs and feet, which were crossed as that point! Then the head was measured and all seemed well.
Baby was being very still though, so I had a little cough and jiggled around a little, and baby started moving around kicking its legs and waving to us, it was wonderful to watch. It is beginning to feel like it's really happening now - there is a little person growing inside me, due to make its appearance on the 6th December 2010 (we'll see!!) just in time for Christmas :o)
Thankfully the first thing the midwife said as she was scanning - before I even looked at the screen - 'there's a nice strong heartbeat', that was the most wonderful feeling and really put me at ease, and allowed me to enjoy the rest of the scan - it was amazing!
She had a good look at the baby as a whole before measuring the length - I am measuring 13+1 weeks, then she showed us the hands and all the fingers, it was amazing how much detail we could see, the bones were even visible. Then she moved on to the legs and feet, which were crossed as that point! Then the head was measured and all seemed well.
Baby was being very still though, so I had a little cough and jiggled around a little, and baby started moving around kicking its legs and waving to us, it was wonderful to watch. It is beginning to feel like it's really happening now - there is a little person growing inside me, due to make its appearance on the 6th December 2010 (we'll see!!) just in time for Christmas :o)
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
How it all began
My hubby and I got married in March 2008 after being together for 8 years, we had spoken about having family in the future as it was something we both really wanted - and I supposed naively we thought it would be straightforward. We moved to our ideal home at the end of 2008, out of town with three bedrooms - the perfect family home, and around Christmas we decided that we would start trying for a baby in the new year.
We seemed to be really lucky and I had my first positive pregnancy test on Mothers Day (March 2009), just 2 months after starting trying. We were so happy, we told our parents and siblings and started to read up on pregnancy and babies - we already had some experience with babies with 5 nephews and 1 niece. A couple of weeks following the positive test I had some slight bleeding - I didn't think it was too much to worry about having read up on bleeding in pregnancy, but I went to see my GP just to be on the safe side. From there I was told to repeat my pregnancy test in 1 week and if it was still positive to make an appointment at the early pregnancy clinic at the hospital.
That week was one of the longest of my life - there was no more bleeding but unsurprisingly I continued to worry. The following week I repeated my pregnancy test and I was happy to see the line appearing very quickly, so my hcg levels were still high and I still seemed to be pregnant. The following week I went to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic, the staff were lovely and very caring I felt in good hands, my mum came along with me as my husband was working away from home. The midwife immediately put me at ease and worked out how far along I should be so she knew what she should be looking for on the scan, then proceeded to squirt some gel on my tummy to do a scan - there was nothing much to see, but the midwife was not too concerned and said sometimes it's too early to see things properly on a tummy scan, and instead they would need to do a trans-vaginal scan which gives a much clearer view. So off I went to empty my bladder - still not realising at this point that something might be wrong. I hopped back onto the bed to undergo the internal scan - not the most pleasant experience of my life. And on the screen appeared a very small sac - there was no heartbeat and the size was too small for the dates that I should be - I had just had a missed miscarriage, to say I was devastated would be an understatement. The midwife took my mum and I into a small room to explain things in greater detail. Apparently miscarriage is very common in first pregnancies and the chance of having a normal pregnancy next time was great. I still wasn't convinced I supposed - I had no pain, no real bleeding, how could the preganacy have ended?
I was brought back a week later to have another scan, and sure enough, still no sign of a hearbeat, no sign of any real growth of the sac, it was definitely a miscarriage. My options were then explained to me, I could have a consevatievly managed miscarriage, where they let nature take its course and this could take sometime, or I could be admitted for day surgery to have a d&c, I opted for the d&c so that I could have it over and done with much more quickly.
I went into hospital on the Thursday morning with my mum by my side. It is not a normal ward, every patient has their own room with tv and you are made very comfortable, everyone is so nice and understanding. I was taken down to theatre for the quick procedure (it only lasts about 10 minutes). On meeting my anaethetist I realised that I knew her and like all the other staff she was lovely and comforted me, I remember her telling me that at least I knew that I could get pregnant, which I suppose is a comforting fact. Following the procedure I was back in my room having a sandwich and coffee, and I was home by teatime - no physical pain, just emotional strain.
I was told that we should wait for one normal period before starting to try again, but other than that there was nothing stopping us trying again.
Once more I quickly had another positive pregnancy test, and although I had reservations and was worried, I remembered that miscarriage is very common in first pregnancies. I was told on my first visit to the Early Pregancy Assessment Clinic (EPAC) that next time I fell pregnant to get straight in touch with them and I would be able to get another early scan. So as soon as I got the positive test I did just that, my hauband and I were going to Dublin to see U2 in concert at the end of July and I would go to the Clinic shortly after returning to get my scan. We had a fantastic time in Dublin, and I allowed myself to dream a little about hopefully becoming a mummy soon, I was very careful about what I did and what I ate, and my husband was fantastic, making sure I was taking care of myself.
On our return we went to the clinic for my scan, my husband was able to come along as he was still on holiday, so we sat nervously waiting before being taken through for the scan, the midwife remembered me from the previous occassion and was lovely. Again she attempted to do a tummy scan, and could see nothing, at this point I knew it wasn't right. I emptied my bladder and waited for the internal scan, and just like the previous time, there was a sac, too small for my dates and no sign of a heartbeat - I was immediately devastated, I could see the pain in my husbands face too, he doesn't show his emotions much but I knew that he was feeling the pain too. Once more I returned a week later to confirm the missed miscarriage, and this time I knew that was it, again I was booked in the following Tuesday for a d&c. The midwife was reassuring telling me that having 2 miscarriages was also very common and that 3 miscarriage was very uncommon and not to give up hope. I think that it is one thing being told these 'facts' but they really don't make it any easier to deal with the pain of the loss.
I think it is difficult to understand the pain of the loss of an unborn baby unless you have been in the situation. I was very open about my miscarriages and did not hide anything form friends and collegues - on speaking to people, it is amazing to discover how many people have also gone through miscarriages, people don't tend to talk about it much it does seem to be a taboo subject, however I think that it is important to speak about these feelings, I certainly felt so much better and stronger for talking about my feelings. On this occassion I took 2 weeks sick leave from my work to get over the emotions - I was going through a particularly difficult time at my work at the same time with my manager and everything really got on top of me.
Again I went through the d&c with my mum by my side and on being taken to theatre I was once more met by an anaethetist who I knew (a different one from previously) and she put me at ease, and even came to visit me following the procedure when I was back in my room.
With the words of the midwife ringing in my ears that 3 miscarriages are very uncommon, we decided to start trying again quite soon after, and once more the positive test came back very quickly. Again I immediately phoned the EPAC and made my appointment, similarly to my previous visits I sat waiting nervously waiting with my mum, dreading what lay ahead, I didn't feel quite 'right' this time, although the other pregnancies had ended in miscarriage, I had some symptoms and although I didn't know what it was like to 'be' pregnant this time i knew deep down things were not quite as they should be. I told the midwife this prior to the scan. The scan followed the same procedure as the previous two attempts, tummy scan not clear so internal scan was done, this time there was sign of a sac but nothing else - there was a bit of confusion at this point. On the previous times there has been a tiny embryo attached to the sac, however there appeared to be nothing this time. I then had to do another pregancy test while I was there - it was positive, they were unsure what was going on.
I had to return a week later for a repeat, again there was nothing, they sent my bloods to the lab for testing, my hcg levels were quite high, at this point they mentioned ectopic pregnancies and sent me for a scan at the unltrasound department - they could see nothing other than this tiny sac, which shouldn't have raised my hcg levels, but there did not appear to be a pregnancy outwith the womb either. By this point I was confused and rather upset as I really didn't know what was going on. I had to return 2 days later for further blood tests - an normal miscarriage would show dropping hcg levels, an ectopic prgnancy would show rapidly increasing levels. So I returned my bloods were repeated, and I went back for the results a few hours later, at this point things starting going mad. I was taken to the gynae ward and spoke to a young doctor - this was the worst experience of my life, after waiting for what seemed like hours in a tiny waiting room I was taken through to an examination room where this young doctor spoke to me, she asked me how long I had been trying for a baby, then said, we are going to perform a laparoscopy tomorrow morning, we will remove the ectopic and one of your tubes, but it's alright we will be able to offer you ivf - you can imagine my distress, it hadn't been confirmed that it was ectopic - there was no sign of anything in any of my fallopian tubes so to be told this in such a way like it was nothing to worry about was devastating - not only was I having to deal with not actually being pregnant but also the enormity of a laparoscopy, the possibility of losing some of my ability to have another pregnancy and the fact I may need ivf. My husband arrived at this point and the doctor explained the situation to him, I was crying at this point and the doctor turned to me and said, 'Oh are you upset?' Then proceded to had me a paper hand towel to wipe my tears!
I was told I would have to stay overnight, I refused I said I would come back at 7am, but I was not staying overnight! The young doctor then told me I would need some further blood tests before I went home. She decided to try and take the blood out of the back of my hand for some reason, and proceeded to stick the needle in, the vacutube was put on the end and very little blood came out so she wiggled the needle about until she got enough blood in one tube, then she tried to fill the second tube - by this point nothing was going to come out, and shw was wiggling the need so much that it came out, the blood was now running off my hand! So she tried a fresh needle in a different part of the same hand without much success, so she then decided to take the cap off the tube and catch the blood that wqas running off my hand in the tube instead!! The blood was then sent to the lab using the air system - on the way the tube of blood exploded! So a second doctor came in to repeat the blood tests! By this point the bruising was covering the whole of my hand and it was past 8pm, I had been there since 1pm.
I returned to hospital in the morning and spoke to another young doctor who was much more sympathetic and was not convinced by the ectopic pregnancy and was reluctant to send me for the laparoscopy - I was relieved! Instead I went for another scan where I was examined very carefully and there was no sign of an ectopic. The young doctor decided to send me for a d&c then have the results analysed at the lab. I waited until after 7pm before I was taken to theatre (once again I knew the anaethetist!) having been fasted since 10pm the previous evening, and I was home before 10pm. My relief was great.
A few day later I had a call from the EPAC, who said that it was not good news, the results from the lab did not show any signs of foetal material from the d&c and it could still be ectopic, could I come back for more blood tests. Once again my heart sank, but I went back for the blood tests, the results were good, the hcg levels were starting to fall, I had to go back every 2 days for 3 weeks for repeated tests, to ensure the levels continued to fall. The d&c was done in November, I finally had the all clear - a negative pregnancy test in the first week of the new year. They are still unsure af what actually happened - it wasn't ectopic and there did not appear to be any foetal material which means I should not have had raised hc levels.
That New Year I was very emotional, it had been a very traumatic year - 3 miscarriages in such a short space of time left me wondering if I would ever be able to be a mummy. My whole family was also hit by the emotional situation, and it is not a year that I would ever like to repeat, nor would I wish it on anyone. I started getting some counselling in the December, which really helped me get through the hardest times, they couldn't have started at a more appropriate time and getting that first session was a real turning point for me. My husband and I decided that 2010 was going to be a better year, we had each other and were stronger than ever, and no matter what happened in the future we would always be there for each other. We decided not to concentrate too much on having a baby but just enjoying being together.
The start of the year signalled the start of blood tests for both of us to find out if there were any reasons for the recurrent miscarriages, there were 6 weeks between each of my tests and the results for my husband took some time for the results to be released. In the meatime, we were not trying for family, using contraception, and generally being careful. We did have 2 occassions where we did not use contraception, but we were sure that it wasn't the right time, and that we wouldn't be having any positive tests until after all the results were back. In the meantime my husband decided to add to our other brood - our dogs! We already had 2 resuce lurchers, but he had always wanted a jack russell and he saw one on the coucil website needing a new home and at 15 months he was still young. As we were not actively trying we decided that we would take on this new addition, as it was unlikely that we would be having any family soon.
However over the Easter weekend I was very ill with a very bad cold, and was unable to get out of bed, I was concentrating on that and hadn't realised that I was late. I didn;t think it would be positive but later that week while we were both on holiday I did a test and once more it was positive - this was not planned, and I was immediately worried, I had taken medication for my bad cold, I hadn't been watching what I was eating and basically doing all the things I shouldn't have been doing!!
Once more I made an appointment at the EPAC, byt his point they know my so well, that even when I phone up they know it's me - I'm sure they must be fed up of me by now! So I went for an early scan at about 6 weeks, this time I wanted it to be different from the start and went alone. As usual I had to have an internal scan and I was not too hopeful, however, when the midwife said to me, there's the sac and that little flicker is the heartbeat - I was astounded!! I had a little bit of spotting the following week, and was sure that it was all over again, so I returned almost 2 weeks after the first scan - this time it was a successful tummy scan, with heartbeat. I went back 2 weeks later to be shown by little baby moving around - looking much more like a baby (10 weeks) and a good strong heartbeat. I never though that I would ever get to see a heartbeat on screen.
That last scan was 3 weeks ago and I am due to go for my dating scan tomorrow - I sould be 13 weeks. I am still a little apprehensive - I'm sure I always will be whenever I go for a scan. However I am feeling much more positive this time round, I have had horrendous morning sickness (in the evenings) which I am told is a good sign, and although I was really ill a couple of weeks ago, things feel different this time - in a good way.
So fingers crossed for tomorrow then I can start to think about the future!
We seemed to be really lucky and I had my first positive pregnancy test on Mothers Day (March 2009), just 2 months after starting trying. We were so happy, we told our parents and siblings and started to read up on pregnancy and babies - we already had some experience with babies with 5 nephews and 1 niece. A couple of weeks following the positive test I had some slight bleeding - I didn't think it was too much to worry about having read up on bleeding in pregnancy, but I went to see my GP just to be on the safe side. From there I was told to repeat my pregnancy test in 1 week and if it was still positive to make an appointment at the early pregnancy clinic at the hospital.
That week was one of the longest of my life - there was no more bleeding but unsurprisingly I continued to worry. The following week I repeated my pregnancy test and I was happy to see the line appearing very quickly, so my hcg levels were still high and I still seemed to be pregnant. The following week I went to the Early Pregnancy Assessment Clinic, the staff were lovely and very caring I felt in good hands, my mum came along with me as my husband was working away from home. The midwife immediately put me at ease and worked out how far along I should be so she knew what she should be looking for on the scan, then proceeded to squirt some gel on my tummy to do a scan - there was nothing much to see, but the midwife was not too concerned and said sometimes it's too early to see things properly on a tummy scan, and instead they would need to do a trans-vaginal scan which gives a much clearer view. So off I went to empty my bladder - still not realising at this point that something might be wrong. I hopped back onto the bed to undergo the internal scan - not the most pleasant experience of my life. And on the screen appeared a very small sac - there was no heartbeat and the size was too small for the dates that I should be - I had just had a missed miscarriage, to say I was devastated would be an understatement. The midwife took my mum and I into a small room to explain things in greater detail. Apparently miscarriage is very common in first pregnancies and the chance of having a normal pregnancy next time was great. I still wasn't convinced I supposed - I had no pain, no real bleeding, how could the preganacy have ended?
I was brought back a week later to have another scan, and sure enough, still no sign of a hearbeat, no sign of any real growth of the sac, it was definitely a miscarriage. My options were then explained to me, I could have a consevatievly managed miscarriage, where they let nature take its course and this could take sometime, or I could be admitted for day surgery to have a d&c, I opted for the d&c so that I could have it over and done with much more quickly.
I went into hospital on the Thursday morning with my mum by my side. It is not a normal ward, every patient has their own room with tv and you are made very comfortable, everyone is so nice and understanding. I was taken down to theatre for the quick procedure (it only lasts about 10 minutes). On meeting my anaethetist I realised that I knew her and like all the other staff she was lovely and comforted me, I remember her telling me that at least I knew that I could get pregnant, which I suppose is a comforting fact. Following the procedure I was back in my room having a sandwich and coffee, and I was home by teatime - no physical pain, just emotional strain.
I was told that we should wait for one normal period before starting to try again, but other than that there was nothing stopping us trying again.
Once more I quickly had another positive pregnancy test, and although I had reservations and was worried, I remembered that miscarriage is very common in first pregnancies. I was told on my first visit to the Early Pregancy Assessment Clinic (EPAC) that next time I fell pregnant to get straight in touch with them and I would be able to get another early scan. So as soon as I got the positive test I did just that, my hauband and I were going to Dublin to see U2 in concert at the end of July and I would go to the Clinic shortly after returning to get my scan. We had a fantastic time in Dublin, and I allowed myself to dream a little about hopefully becoming a mummy soon, I was very careful about what I did and what I ate, and my husband was fantastic, making sure I was taking care of myself.
On our return we went to the clinic for my scan, my husband was able to come along as he was still on holiday, so we sat nervously waiting before being taken through for the scan, the midwife remembered me from the previous occassion and was lovely. Again she attempted to do a tummy scan, and could see nothing, at this point I knew it wasn't right. I emptied my bladder and waited for the internal scan, and just like the previous time, there was a sac, too small for my dates and no sign of a heartbeat - I was immediately devastated, I could see the pain in my husbands face too, he doesn't show his emotions much but I knew that he was feeling the pain too. Once more I returned a week later to confirm the missed miscarriage, and this time I knew that was it, again I was booked in the following Tuesday for a d&c. The midwife was reassuring telling me that having 2 miscarriages was also very common and that 3 miscarriage was very uncommon and not to give up hope. I think that it is one thing being told these 'facts' but they really don't make it any easier to deal with the pain of the loss.
I think it is difficult to understand the pain of the loss of an unborn baby unless you have been in the situation. I was very open about my miscarriages and did not hide anything form friends and collegues - on speaking to people, it is amazing to discover how many people have also gone through miscarriages, people don't tend to talk about it much it does seem to be a taboo subject, however I think that it is important to speak about these feelings, I certainly felt so much better and stronger for talking about my feelings. On this occassion I took 2 weeks sick leave from my work to get over the emotions - I was going through a particularly difficult time at my work at the same time with my manager and everything really got on top of me.
Again I went through the d&c with my mum by my side and on being taken to theatre I was once more met by an anaethetist who I knew (a different one from previously) and she put me at ease, and even came to visit me following the procedure when I was back in my room.
With the words of the midwife ringing in my ears that 3 miscarriages are very uncommon, we decided to start trying again quite soon after, and once more the positive test came back very quickly. Again I immediately phoned the EPAC and made my appointment, similarly to my previous visits I sat waiting nervously waiting with my mum, dreading what lay ahead, I didn't feel quite 'right' this time, although the other pregnancies had ended in miscarriage, I had some symptoms and although I didn't know what it was like to 'be' pregnant this time i knew deep down things were not quite as they should be. I told the midwife this prior to the scan. The scan followed the same procedure as the previous two attempts, tummy scan not clear so internal scan was done, this time there was sign of a sac but nothing else - there was a bit of confusion at this point. On the previous times there has been a tiny embryo attached to the sac, however there appeared to be nothing this time. I then had to do another pregancy test while I was there - it was positive, they were unsure what was going on.
I had to return a week later for a repeat, again there was nothing, they sent my bloods to the lab for testing, my hcg levels were quite high, at this point they mentioned ectopic pregnancies and sent me for a scan at the unltrasound department - they could see nothing other than this tiny sac, which shouldn't have raised my hcg levels, but there did not appear to be a pregnancy outwith the womb either. By this point I was confused and rather upset as I really didn't know what was going on. I had to return 2 days later for further blood tests - an normal miscarriage would show dropping hcg levels, an ectopic prgnancy would show rapidly increasing levels. So I returned my bloods were repeated, and I went back for the results a few hours later, at this point things starting going mad. I was taken to the gynae ward and spoke to a young doctor - this was the worst experience of my life, after waiting for what seemed like hours in a tiny waiting room I was taken through to an examination room where this young doctor spoke to me, she asked me how long I had been trying for a baby, then said, we are going to perform a laparoscopy tomorrow morning, we will remove the ectopic and one of your tubes, but it's alright we will be able to offer you ivf - you can imagine my distress, it hadn't been confirmed that it was ectopic - there was no sign of anything in any of my fallopian tubes so to be told this in such a way like it was nothing to worry about was devastating - not only was I having to deal with not actually being pregnant but also the enormity of a laparoscopy, the possibility of losing some of my ability to have another pregnancy and the fact I may need ivf. My husband arrived at this point and the doctor explained the situation to him, I was crying at this point and the doctor turned to me and said, 'Oh are you upset?' Then proceded to had me a paper hand towel to wipe my tears!
I was told I would have to stay overnight, I refused I said I would come back at 7am, but I was not staying overnight! The young doctor then told me I would need some further blood tests before I went home. She decided to try and take the blood out of the back of my hand for some reason, and proceeded to stick the needle in, the vacutube was put on the end and very little blood came out so she wiggled the needle about until she got enough blood in one tube, then she tried to fill the second tube - by this point nothing was going to come out, and shw was wiggling the need so much that it came out, the blood was now running off my hand! So she tried a fresh needle in a different part of the same hand without much success, so she then decided to take the cap off the tube and catch the blood that wqas running off my hand in the tube instead!! The blood was then sent to the lab using the air system - on the way the tube of blood exploded! So a second doctor came in to repeat the blood tests! By this point the bruising was covering the whole of my hand and it was past 8pm, I had been there since 1pm.
I returned to hospital in the morning and spoke to another young doctor who was much more sympathetic and was not convinced by the ectopic pregnancy and was reluctant to send me for the laparoscopy - I was relieved! Instead I went for another scan where I was examined very carefully and there was no sign of an ectopic. The young doctor decided to send me for a d&c then have the results analysed at the lab. I waited until after 7pm before I was taken to theatre (once again I knew the anaethetist!) having been fasted since 10pm the previous evening, and I was home before 10pm. My relief was great.
A few day later I had a call from the EPAC, who said that it was not good news, the results from the lab did not show any signs of foetal material from the d&c and it could still be ectopic, could I come back for more blood tests. Once again my heart sank, but I went back for the blood tests, the results were good, the hcg levels were starting to fall, I had to go back every 2 days for 3 weeks for repeated tests, to ensure the levels continued to fall. The d&c was done in November, I finally had the all clear - a negative pregnancy test in the first week of the new year. They are still unsure af what actually happened - it wasn't ectopic and there did not appear to be any foetal material which means I should not have had raised hc levels.
That New Year I was very emotional, it had been a very traumatic year - 3 miscarriages in such a short space of time left me wondering if I would ever be able to be a mummy. My whole family was also hit by the emotional situation, and it is not a year that I would ever like to repeat, nor would I wish it on anyone. I started getting some counselling in the December, which really helped me get through the hardest times, they couldn't have started at a more appropriate time and getting that first session was a real turning point for me. My husband and I decided that 2010 was going to be a better year, we had each other and were stronger than ever, and no matter what happened in the future we would always be there for each other. We decided not to concentrate too much on having a baby but just enjoying being together.
The start of the year signalled the start of blood tests for both of us to find out if there were any reasons for the recurrent miscarriages, there were 6 weeks between each of my tests and the results for my husband took some time for the results to be released. In the meatime, we were not trying for family, using contraception, and generally being careful. We did have 2 occassions where we did not use contraception, but we were sure that it wasn't the right time, and that we wouldn't be having any positive tests until after all the results were back. In the meantime my husband decided to add to our other brood - our dogs! We already had 2 resuce lurchers, but he had always wanted a jack russell and he saw one on the coucil website needing a new home and at 15 months he was still young. As we were not actively trying we decided that we would take on this new addition, as it was unlikely that we would be having any family soon.
However over the Easter weekend I was very ill with a very bad cold, and was unable to get out of bed, I was concentrating on that and hadn't realised that I was late. I didn;t think it would be positive but later that week while we were both on holiday I did a test and once more it was positive - this was not planned, and I was immediately worried, I had taken medication for my bad cold, I hadn't been watching what I was eating and basically doing all the things I shouldn't have been doing!!
Once more I made an appointment at the EPAC, byt his point they know my so well, that even when I phone up they know it's me - I'm sure they must be fed up of me by now! So I went for an early scan at about 6 weeks, this time I wanted it to be different from the start and went alone. As usual I had to have an internal scan and I was not too hopeful, however, when the midwife said to me, there's the sac and that little flicker is the heartbeat - I was astounded!! I had a little bit of spotting the following week, and was sure that it was all over again, so I returned almost 2 weeks after the first scan - this time it was a successful tummy scan, with heartbeat. I went back 2 weeks later to be shown by little baby moving around - looking much more like a baby (10 weeks) and a good strong heartbeat. I never though that I would ever get to see a heartbeat on screen.
That last scan was 3 weeks ago and I am due to go for my dating scan tomorrow - I sould be 13 weeks. I am still a little apprehensive - I'm sure I always will be whenever I go for a scan. However I am feeling much more positive this time round, I have had horrendous morning sickness (in the evenings) which I am told is a good sign, and although I was really ill a couple of weeks ago, things feel different this time - in a good way.
So fingers crossed for tomorrow then I can start to think about the future!
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